How To Create A Better Sex Life

​​​​​​How To Create A Better Sex Life

sex life

​​It is ​the ​part ​of relationships that causes perhaps the most conflict between couples, but also one that perhaps leads to the greatest connection and satisfaction between couples.

​This area is: How to create a better sex life!

​​​​​It is ​the ​part ​of relationships that ​perhaps leads to the greatest connection and satisfaction between couples.

​​​Before I jump into this important and sensitive (no pun intended) topic however, I want to acknowledge that ​for some couples, even talking about sex can be problematic. So, if your sex life with your partner is not where you want it to be, often the best step you can take is to book a relationship counselling session with myself to talk about it.

With a counsellor such as myself present, most couples are able to openly express their true feelings about sex, without fear of their partner reacting defensively or aggressively. This is key to a productive discussion!

Having said that, let's talk about common factors that help couples create a better sex life!

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​According to sexuality researchers Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz and James Witte (authors of the great book "The normal bar : the surprising secrets of happy couples and what they reveal about creating a new normal in your relationship"), as well as relationship researcher John Gottman, couples around the world who have a great sex life do 13 things that couples who have poor sex lives do not do.

These 13 things are all simple. They are:

  1. 1
    ​They say “I love you” every day and mean it
  2. 2
    ​They kiss one another passionately for no reason
  3. 3
    ​They give surprise romantic gifts
  4. 4
    ​They know what turns their partners on and off erotically
  5. 5
    ​They are physically affectionate, even in public
  6. 6
    ​They keep playing and having fun together
  7. 7
    ​They cuddle
  8. 8
    ​They make sex a priority, not the last item of a long to-do list
  9. 9
    ​They stay good friends
  10. 10
    ​They can talk comfortably about their sex life
  11. 11
    ​They have weekly dates
  12. 12
    ​They take romantic vacations
  13. 13
    ​They are mindful about turning toward each other (ie they share their lives with each other)

​​​Couples around the world who have a great sex life do 13 things that couples who have poor sex lives do not do.

​​​Sound easy?

It probably is. Great sex is not rocket science, but too many people neglect the basic relationship skills that put couples in a position (again, pun not really intended) to have great sex together.

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​​OK, for "homework" I suggest that you sit down with your partner and go over the 13 items above together. Tick the ones you already do, and mark the items you need to "work-on" with a cross.

Once you have done this make a plan together for how you can increase the frequency of the "work-ons". For couples with many work-ons it is probably best to choose just one or two items to start to "work-on". Once you make progress in those areas, move onto other areas until you score well in every area.

I hope this is useful!

​Remember: If you and your partner need help talking about sex (or any other) issue, book a relationship counselling session with me now.

​​​​​​​​Great sex is not rocket science, but too many people neglect the basic relationship skills that put couples in a position (again, pun not really intended) to have great sex together.

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