It's time to have a happy, healthy and loving relationship.
- Are you feeling distant or disconnected from your partner?
- Are constant fights an issue in your relationship?
- Do you and your partner not communicate any more?
- Are you struggling to overcome the effects of an affair or infidelity?
All couples go through difficult times. Even couples who have been together 20, 30 or more years face regular challenges. Almost all couples argue at times. In fact, if you are not arguing there might be other problems! For some couples the connection between them will fade over time. Other couples struggle with more complex issues such as one partner has had (or is thinking of) having an affair.
Even couples who have been together 20, 30 or more years face regular challenges.
The difference between happy, healthy and loving couples and couples that are not is not the issues that these couples face, but in how these couples respond to issues. Do you (or your partner):
- avoid difficult issues?
- experience problems talking about issues that are important to you?
- get angry when you feel that your partner does not understand or agree with you?
- react to your partner with criticism, contempt, sarcasm or stony silences?
- have any other patterns of interacting that are not useful in a relationship?
If you (or your partner) can identify with any of the points above then it is likely that your relationship will face challenges. However, there is hope even for couples who are facing the most significant problems. Couples counselling can help couples develop effective ways to deal with any issue that may be creating distance in a relationship. Couples counselling can also help you build the happy, healthy and loving relationship that you want with each other.
In any healthy relationship, both people are regularly changing. We may begin a relationship looking to have fun and happy times. Over time however, we may prefer to have lots of quiet time with our partner-viewing our relationship as a refuge from the busy world. Whatever changes a relationship may go through, people in happy and healthy relationships are able to communicate these changes to each other and respond appropriately.
In other relationships these changes can cause problems. As one partner changes his or her preferences for the relationship, the other partner may get angry or resentful. Issues build up. Couples talk less. They argue more. And just as you would not expect a high-performing sports team to be successful without a coach, it is difficult to expect a relationship to be successful with occasional “coaching”. An experienced and professional couples counsellor can provide this relationship coaching.
As a couples counsellor for almost 20 years, I have helped couples work through a wide variety of issues. These include:
- anger management
- lack of communication
- financial pressures
- loss of friendship or intimacy
- regaining trust after an affair
- raising children or stepchildren
If you are facing any of these issues, couples counselling will help you:
- resolve problems more effectively
- manage arguments without destructive arguing or fighting
- communicate better
- understand the feelings behind what your partner is saying
- relate to your partner in ways that he or she feels loved
- increase levels of friendship and intimacy
- regain trust after an affair.
Almost all relationships improve significantly after learning these skills. In many cases, it can take just 3-5 sessions of couples counselling for your relationship to significantly improve. Even couples with significant and serious issues are often able to make considerable improvements in the first 8 sessions. Once you learn the tools to have a better relationship you can apply these tools throughout your life. As long as you and your partner are committed to it, couples counselling is one of the best investments you can make!
I’m not sure about my partners ability to make changes. He (or she) has been the same way for a long time!
As a couples counsellor with almost 20 years experience providing couples counselling, I have seen many couples where it looks like one person is unwilling to change. Once this person begins couples counselling more often than not they realise that there are benefits to changing patterns that are not useful in a relationship. I believe we all want to be happy and if the benefits to change are pointed out clearly enough, it is rare for people not to make the changes that could make both themselves and their partner happy.
I am afraid I will be blamed for the problems in my relationship.
This is a common fear. None of us want to feel blamed. While I will help people take responsibility for their actions in relationships, I do not believe in the value of blaming either party for things that they may have done in the past. What matters is creating a relationship that is happier for both you and your partner.
How much does couples counselling cost?
I offer two pricing options. Regular couples counselling sessions are 50 minutes in length and cost $160. Extended couples counselling sessions are designed for couples who are facing complex issues or who may want to make as fast progress as possible. These sessions are 80 minutes long and cost $200. Both regular and extended sessions are an effective way to improve your relationship. Investing in couples counselling now can save considerable psychological (and financial) pain later on.